Student Blogs & Vlogs | College Study Abroad Programs, IFSA-Butler

Major mixed feelings

I hate to keep bringing up my dwindling time here, guys, but it’s literally unavoidable at this point, and it’s gotta be said. I’ve got about 23 days left in New Zealand. And then I go home. And I never really understood the meaning of “mixed feelings” until this point.

On the one hand, I’ve never been more ready to get home. I miss my friends, my family, my puppies. My Taco Bell cravings have gotten to that almost painful point (my friends think I’m kidding – if only they knew). And the things I would do for a Pumpkin Spice Latte right now… whooooowee. I miss Cleveland, I miss Phoenix, I even miss Case. I can’t wait for the traveling-home excitement. Even the airplane food I’ll get on the way to LAX sounds appetizing right now.

But at the same time, I’m dreading the leaving part. I have rapidly formed a new, secure life in Wellington. I’ve got real best friends here, just like I do at home. Not as many, sure, and not the same kind, but I will take these people with me wherever I go. I’ll have to explain to all my friends back home all about the things my friends here and I have done, and the effect will be lost. New Zealand is a place that quickly sucks you in with its beauty and people. I’ll be back one day, but the returning is never quite the same as that first visit to a new place. I’m going to miss it as soon as I leave, and knowing me, sometimes it’s going to be a truly painful kind of missing.

It’s the kind of feeling that I think can only be really understood by other study abroad kids. It’s great, but it also sucks. I’m in super-limbo right now.

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